Greg Chandler
06/21/17
Absentee fatherhood is one of the greatest crimes a man can commit against the children he helps bring into the world. To date, nearly 25% of American children live in fatherless homes, and various studies have correlated this lack of paternal influence with difficulties such as poverty, delinquency, and incarceration. This should come as no surprise to those who have studied the grave responsibility God has given to fathers. Failure to follow God’s plan is a recipe for disaster.
The Book of Proverbs contains a high concentration of the Bible’s teaching on a father’s responsibility, with the first nine chapters written as though a father is speaking to his son. Interestingly, the primary focus of this teaching relates to a father’s instruction. Consider the following examples:
Hear, my son, your father's instruction (1:8)
Hear, O sons, a father's instruction, and be attentive, that you may gain insight (4:1)
My son, keep your father's commandment (6:20)
The focus on instruction has significant implication for fathers. First, a father must be schooled in what is appropriate to teach his children. This means that he has reached a level of spiritual maturity that accepts God’s way as the right way. While this does not imply that any biblical question posed to him by his children can be answered on the spot, it most certainly does imply that his faith is rock solid and that he understands the concept laid down by the apostle Peter: “But in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect” (I Peter 3:15). He can articulate to his children the reason for his faith because he is genuinely committed to God. As he instructs his children on various matters of life, his wisdom is always centered on a godly outlook. Whether dealing with little league referees or choosing a career, a father’s instruction is centered on honoring Christ the Lord as holy.
Second, a father must spend time with his children so that his instruction can be imparted to them. While there may be times of “formal” instructing, the majority of his teaching will take place in day-to-day activity. Consider the Lord’s command to ancient Israel: “You shall therefore lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul, and you shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall teach them to your children, talking of them when you are sitting in your house, and when you are walking by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise up” (Deuteronomy 11:18-19). The times of teaching occurred as “life” occurred; the same is true for modern fathers. Commutes to school, long drives to ballgames, family road trips, and a host of occasions that would otherwise be mundane and boring can be transformed into times of significant training. A savvy father can make these times of instruction enjoyable, leaving his children wanting more.
Third, a father must understand the consequences of failing in his responsibilities. The Book of Proverbs warns of what becomes of children “left to themselves:”
A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother (10:1)
A wise son hears his father's instruction, but a scoffer does not listen to rebuke (13:1)
He who sires a fool gets himself sorrow, and the father of a fool has no joy (17:21)
A foolish son is ruin to his father (19:13a)
There is no guarantee that a child trained in the ways of godliness will accept the godly instruction of his father; freewill leaves this choice squarely on the shoulders of the son. Still, there is great likelihood that he will listen and accept his father’s wisdom. However, a child who never receives instruction from his father is set on a course for spiritual failure. There are, of course, exceptions; yet, the vast majority of children who do not receive godly wisdom from their fathers will never learn of God’s expectations for them. The consequences are grave and fathers must not leave their children in this quandary: “Fathers, provoke not your children to wrath, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).
Fatherhood brings great joy, pain, excitement, and apprehension; a man who takes on this work takes on awesome responsibility. Still, the Lord has promised to help those who walk in His ways and will most certainly provide this help to men who seek to raise children in the image of their Father in Heaven. Fathers, your responsibility is great, but your God is greater. Pray for your children and pray for yourselves as you seek to guide them. In every way, demonstrate to them that God and His ways always come first. When this is done, a father has given the greatest gift he can possibly give to his children; he has given them a foundation of godliness.