Rebuilding After The Storm
Tornados recently passed through several northern Alabama counties, wreaking havoc in such towns as Carbon Hill and Cullman. These ferocious storms can turn buildings into piles of rubble in a matter of seconds. Homes and businesses are often partially destroyed, missing roofs or walls, but leaving substantial portions of the structure intact.
I have watched the owner of a house or business pick through the rubble of his building to try to salvage things of importance. If a tornado has damaged a structure, but left some of it standing, debris must be removed in order to determine how much, if any, of the structure can be salvaged. The damage inflicted on any standing walls must be evaluated. While the foundation may still be sound, perhaps there are walls which have been weakened beyond repair and must simply be replaced.
Essentially, the same process must be followed for marriages which have been damaged. Due to sin on the part of one or both spouses, a marriage suffers substantial damage. Adultery can reduce a marriage relationship to nothing more than a pile of rubble. In fact, the Lord taught that adultery is the only acceptable (from a divine standpoint) cause for ending a marriage (read Matthew 19:3-9 carefully). However, dishonesty, fault-finding, selfishness and physical abuse are just some of the sins which can damage a marriage so thoroughly that substantial repair is needed.
Usually by the time that a husband and wife seek help for "marriage problems," the damage done to the relationship is extensive. In some cases, years of sinful behavior has so weakened the relationship that both have decided that there is nothing to do but divorce. When they married, however, God placed upon each of them certain responsibilities. Usually both made public vows in their wedding ceremony to perform these duties and remain faithful until death. It may be that, like some tornado-damaged buildings, the damage to the relationship is so extensive that this foundation of commitment is the only thing solid enough to salvage from the marriage.
Affection, trust and intimacy, like walls torn down by savage winds, must be rebuilt. It takes time and effort and the cooperation of both spouses, but it can and has been done.
Those who are rebuilding a marriage should remember the principle of Psalm 127:1 – "Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it." Marriages must be constructed or reconstructed according to the Lord’s plan or all effort to that end is futile. Tolerance of sin cannot replace rebuke; regret cannot take the place of genuine repentance and the holding of grudges cannot serve in the place of forgiveness.
Ironically, a marriage which has been severely damaged by sin can actually become stronger than it originally was. The spouses have been forced, by their "marriage problems," to evaluate their "building" in light of Biblical instructions. As they rebuild their relationship, they do so with greater attention to the divine plan and the result is a stronger marriage!